Post by Raven Glassfire: Humanity lost on May 30, 2007 12:37:52 GMT -5
Whose Eyes am I behind?
Dear journal,
A year to the day, a whole year since spike died. God if only I could have done something about it .But I couldn’t I just could not do anything. I LOVED HIM and yet he left me. Maybe I should have told him, but I didn’t I just didn’t I…..
Faye threw down her pen in frustration, she's bored with writing a journal, and she’s bored with everything. Anyone can see that, It's gotten into her posture, her facial expressions; she’s so bored she sometimes forgets to breathe. Then a surging yawn sweeps over her as her body becomes insistent for oxygen. Careless lungful of air sigh out of her, a melancholy sound. She is alone in her boredom, isolated by her indifference to anything. She is empty. There is no direction in her life…has there ever been? How did she come to think of herself at talented? When did she come to believe that anyone would be interested in what she had to say?
She looks at the confining walls that surround her. Ever since Spikes death Faye had seen more than her fare share of small, barely livable areas. She has spent this time lost in a world of pretend. Constantly drawing from her long lost childhood memories, pretending that she was still that girl, this is how she came to life in the world of the mundane. Completely abandoning what she had become during her life as a "cowboy" and decide to move to a small mars town, using her last wolongs to open up a small diner/bar.
Only she had not realized that this mundane way of living was not for her, and soon she subconsciously started to revert to her “old” ways. Even now she sits in her room, fighting to become what she is SUPPOSED to be, she's frightened to the point where she now relies on a mixture of prescribed pills and liquor to mask her confusion. To crush the fear that she might one-day end up like spike, dead, Devoured by her past.. And now as her eyes stray over her few possessions, she wonders how long it will be before she is dead, before she becomes a ghost of herself.
Her watch beeps. "Damn" she jumps out of her bed, knocking her gun, cigarettes and a plate caked with dried food onto the hard floor. It was 9:02 am, she was late opening for the six people she calls the "morning rush" yet another futile attempt at, making her life feel important.
Cursing her shrink for giving her the journal idea, she dressed quickly, choosing a long black skirt and a plain white blouse. Even her cloths had the reek of being mundane, the sent of cheap soap and perfume clinging to her.
The day went by quickly, without incident. The morning "rush" had gone on without a hitch, and the lunch crowd had only become a little rowdy regarding the fact that the Mars soccer team had lost to Venus. "Damn shame don't you think Ms. Faye" one of her regulars asked. "Yes it is" she'd said "yes it is."
All in all her day was just as boring ads the day before. It was the night crowd that was a daily problem for her. As the only bar in new Rumoi, the local syndicate often felt the need to treat her bar as though it were their private meeting hall for their illegal doings. And they paid her well to pretend that it was. Only on this very night they went too far.
As soon as the nine o'clock hour rang in, the door swung wide open against a tide of G-men, all dressed in the same black suits and jade ties, Except for one. His tie was dyed crimson with his blood as he used it to slow the flow of blood from his arm.
She paninked, if the police caught wind of this there was no way she could hide the bleeding man standing in front of her. "Nononononono! You can't bring this in here, I'll can’t pretend not to see this, you don’t pay me enough for th-" Her final words stuck in her throat as the last of the syndicate flooded in and locked the door behind them. The reason for her pause was not the bleeding man but the blood cover girl being dragged behind them.
The two men dragging her set her down on the floor" You crippled bitch." One of the men kicked the girl in her side and she let out a low moan. Faye had noticed that the girl legs where pointing out at odd angles that were impossible unless both her legs had been broken.
Faye softly placed her hand on the gun that she had hidden under the counter, She always knew it would come to this, she knew that she would have to one day go back to running. Ok Faye think, there are thirty of them and one of you and you only have sixteen bullets I need to do this right. She took a deep breath and drew the gun from its hiding place, first pointing it at the man who had kicked the girl. And it was in this moment that the "fake" Faye died and the real Faye emerged.
Of all sixteen bullets only fifteen meet their mark, puncturing lungs and heads. Killing. And when she was done she just stood there shaking her trigger finger still going, click click click, as she pulled the trigger.
Of the few remaining men still standing the man that was obviously the leader gestured to his remaining men to lower their weapons leavening only Faye clutching her useless pistol, sweat pouring down her face, her eyes tearing. It was at this moment that she realized that she would probably die. And she dropped the gun.
The leader smiled, he knew that without saying a word he had broken her will. "It's ok, they won't hurt you "his voice came out buttery smooth, as if her were trying to get her to get into his car. “They won't kill you or the girl,yet"
It was now all about control. He had control, complete control over the entire situation. And he wanted to flaunt it. He drew his gun, a long sliver pistol with a long thin barrel and a red button instead of a trigger. He walked nonchalantly over towards her, and as if they were best friends put his arm around her shoulders.
"Miss Valentine, it's a damn shame that you would risk your life over some crippled slut. I thought we were friends, and I thought that we paid you well for you to pretend like we do not exist." He punched her in the face, her nose breaking on impact. "You see this gun miss Valentine? It’s the only government issued gun, a remi. They stopped issuing them because they were inhuman. "In fact I think I may shoot you first to save you the pain of seeing the girl shot.” He smirked.
Faye spit in his face "Why are men in power always so short" This one remark stole away all of his confidence. He punched her again and pressed the gun to her forehead.
“Miss Valentine? Why would you do something like that? I might have let you lived,” he looked at the angry faces of his remaining henchmen, “Do what you want with the sluts, and then kill them after.” He pushed her roughly to the floor. “Maybe I’ll have a go with you first.”
To be continued
Dear journal,
A year to the day, a whole year since spike died. God if only I could have done something about it .But I couldn’t I just could not do anything. I LOVED HIM and yet he left me. Maybe I should have told him, but I didn’t I just didn’t I…..
Faye threw down her pen in frustration, she's bored with writing a journal, and she’s bored with everything. Anyone can see that, It's gotten into her posture, her facial expressions; she’s so bored she sometimes forgets to breathe. Then a surging yawn sweeps over her as her body becomes insistent for oxygen. Careless lungful of air sigh out of her, a melancholy sound. She is alone in her boredom, isolated by her indifference to anything. She is empty. There is no direction in her life…has there ever been? How did she come to think of herself at talented? When did she come to believe that anyone would be interested in what she had to say?
She looks at the confining walls that surround her. Ever since Spikes death Faye had seen more than her fare share of small, barely livable areas. She has spent this time lost in a world of pretend. Constantly drawing from her long lost childhood memories, pretending that she was still that girl, this is how she came to life in the world of the mundane. Completely abandoning what she had become during her life as a "cowboy" and decide to move to a small mars town, using her last wolongs to open up a small diner/bar.
Only she had not realized that this mundane way of living was not for her, and soon she subconsciously started to revert to her “old” ways. Even now she sits in her room, fighting to become what she is SUPPOSED to be, she's frightened to the point where she now relies on a mixture of prescribed pills and liquor to mask her confusion. To crush the fear that she might one-day end up like spike, dead, Devoured by her past.. And now as her eyes stray over her few possessions, she wonders how long it will be before she is dead, before she becomes a ghost of herself.
Her watch beeps. "Damn" she jumps out of her bed, knocking her gun, cigarettes and a plate caked with dried food onto the hard floor. It was 9:02 am, she was late opening for the six people she calls the "morning rush" yet another futile attempt at, making her life feel important.
Cursing her shrink for giving her the journal idea, she dressed quickly, choosing a long black skirt and a plain white blouse. Even her cloths had the reek of being mundane, the sent of cheap soap and perfume clinging to her.
The day went by quickly, without incident. The morning "rush" had gone on without a hitch, and the lunch crowd had only become a little rowdy regarding the fact that the Mars soccer team had lost to Venus. "Damn shame don't you think Ms. Faye" one of her regulars asked. "Yes it is" she'd said "yes it is."
All in all her day was just as boring ads the day before. It was the night crowd that was a daily problem for her. As the only bar in new Rumoi, the local syndicate often felt the need to treat her bar as though it were their private meeting hall for their illegal doings. And they paid her well to pretend that it was. Only on this very night they went too far.
As soon as the nine o'clock hour rang in, the door swung wide open against a tide of G-men, all dressed in the same black suits and jade ties, Except for one. His tie was dyed crimson with his blood as he used it to slow the flow of blood from his arm.
She paninked, if the police caught wind of this there was no way she could hide the bleeding man standing in front of her. "Nononononono! You can't bring this in here, I'll can’t pretend not to see this, you don’t pay me enough for th-" Her final words stuck in her throat as the last of the syndicate flooded in and locked the door behind them. The reason for her pause was not the bleeding man but the blood cover girl being dragged behind them.
The two men dragging her set her down on the floor" You crippled bitch." One of the men kicked the girl in her side and she let out a low moan. Faye had noticed that the girl legs where pointing out at odd angles that were impossible unless both her legs had been broken.
Faye softly placed her hand on the gun that she had hidden under the counter, She always knew it would come to this, she knew that she would have to one day go back to running. Ok Faye think, there are thirty of them and one of you and you only have sixteen bullets I need to do this right. She took a deep breath and drew the gun from its hiding place, first pointing it at the man who had kicked the girl. And it was in this moment that the "fake" Faye died and the real Faye emerged.
Of all sixteen bullets only fifteen meet their mark, puncturing lungs and heads. Killing. And when she was done she just stood there shaking her trigger finger still going, click click click, as she pulled the trigger.
Of the few remaining men still standing the man that was obviously the leader gestured to his remaining men to lower their weapons leavening only Faye clutching her useless pistol, sweat pouring down her face, her eyes tearing. It was at this moment that she realized that she would probably die. And she dropped the gun.
The leader smiled, he knew that without saying a word he had broken her will. "It's ok, they won't hurt you "his voice came out buttery smooth, as if her were trying to get her to get into his car. “They won't kill you or the girl,yet"
It was now all about control. He had control, complete control over the entire situation. And he wanted to flaunt it. He drew his gun, a long sliver pistol with a long thin barrel and a red button instead of a trigger. He walked nonchalantly over towards her, and as if they were best friends put his arm around her shoulders.
"Miss Valentine, it's a damn shame that you would risk your life over some crippled slut. I thought we were friends, and I thought that we paid you well for you to pretend like we do not exist." He punched her in the face, her nose breaking on impact. "You see this gun miss Valentine? It’s the only government issued gun, a remi. They stopped issuing them because they were inhuman. "In fact I think I may shoot you first to save you the pain of seeing the girl shot.” He smirked.
Faye spit in his face "Why are men in power always so short" This one remark stole away all of his confidence. He punched her again and pressed the gun to her forehead.
“Miss Valentine? Why would you do something like that? I might have let you lived,” he looked at the angry faces of his remaining henchmen, “Do what you want with the sluts, and then kill them after.” He pushed her roughly to the floor. “Maybe I’ll have a go with you first.”
To be continued